On The Plus Side, Death Is One Of The Few Things That Can Be Done Just As Easily Lying Down.
- Woody Allen
Life Is Divided Into The Horrible And The Miserable.
To You I’m An Atheist; To God, I’m The Loyal Opposition.
Money Is Better Than Poverty, If Only For Financial Reasons.
What If Nothing Exists And We’re All In Somebody’s Dream? Or What’s Worse, What If Only That Fat Guy In The Third Row Exists?
As The Poet Said, ‘Only God Can Make A Tree’ — Probably Because It’s So Hard To Figure Out How To Get The Bark On.
Eighty Percent Of Success Is Showing Up.
Life Is Full Of Misery, Loneliness, And Suffering – And It’s All Over Much Too Soon.
I Tended To Place My Wife Under A Pedestal.
If It Turns Out That There Is A God, I Don’t Think That He’s Evil. But The Worst That You Can Say About Him Is That Basically He’s An Underachiever.
It Is Impossible To Experience One’s Death Objectively And Still Carry A Tune.
Organized Crime In America Takes In Over Forty Billion Dollars A Year And Spends Very Little On Office Supplies.
I Don’t Want To Achieve Immortality Through My Work… I Want To Achieve It Through Not Dying.
There Are Worse Things In Life Than Death. Have You Ever Spent An Evening With An Insurance Salesman?
How Can I Believe In God When Just Last Week I Got My Tongue Caught In The Roller Of An Electric Typewriter?
If Only God Would Give Me Some Clear Sign! Like Making A Large Deposit In My Name In A Swiss Bank.
I Can’t Listen To That Much Wagner. I Start Getting The Urge To Conquer Poland.
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